We're not even the same person. Some days I see her in daydreams and wish I could go back and tell her all that she's about to go through. All that will happen to her, who she will meet, how she can prevent herself from being who I was.  I believe that I would stop time just for her. Let her be a little kid forever.

9, 13, 16, 19, 21, 24.

"I wish that you hadn't become all that I despise, it would make it easier to swallow your lies. And if the times get too tough to touch I just break all ties. Find me outside of the world you've made of glass and paper and save yourself the headache, cause god knows I miss the days when I didn't have to watch as you'd fly out in a flash of fury only to lay down and quake."

i found this in my old livejournal. i love it.

I used to love to walk
past factory buildings, broken glass,
my neighbor's doormat.
Now I can't even go outside.

There were dark bars, small alleys,
your face as it burnt through cigarettes.
so the turnstiles are built for hopping
and our hair is grown and meant for chopping.
Now I can't even go outside.

she has love lost for a series of boys whose names start with Jay.
with an affinity for a girl who starves herself plain.
it tears at the core of me that i'm not where i want to be
i say that i need the snow and the seasons
but they've only really been a hole in my heart.
and an excuse to sacrifice my art.

lime trees and a slight breeze, skate parks and the open sea.
it's like this town has been specially built to let me breathe.
breathe in smoke breathe in salt breathe in life.
it starts tonight.

and boy this has got to be the life,
skipping stones with eyes closed
just wondering why
you live across a gap

Forgiveness lives in a hole in your soul.
Take it easy, let it roll.
I built a castle that was torn down.
I spoke words that he worked around.
Took a train to nowhere just to forget,
But he showed up with fists at my new doorstep.

There was a time I was laying, palms, face
down on the ground.
Afraid, trembling, at the slightest sound.
How heavy was the world, when heavy was the girl.
How small she became as it started to rain.
The battle never ends, and maybe I should feel lost.
But I showed up with fists, fighting at all costs.

Now we live in the thick of it, unprepared for what's next.
Though that end of the tunnel is nowhere in sight,
I can look up at the sun as it peaks through his cracks and still see light.

And you'll find buried within me
The strength to leave this city.
I've grown too large still
I can't see myself at all.
Cigarette burns and coffee stains
remind me of better days.

So six seven eight years will turn to ten.
What then?
I'll have seen nothing but concrete
And a whole lot of loss.
Though I loved the anonimity
I know what it has cost me.

Time to get out, get to know me.
Outside of this box I call a home.